What Is a Default Setting And Why It’s Running Your Life
Ever wondered why you have your life together in some areas… but feel completely lost in others?
It’s not bad luck. It’s not timing. It’s not that you’re flawed.
It’s your default settings – and once you understand them, everything changes.
Table of Contents
Introduction
Have you ever wondered why you feel like you have your shit together in some areas of your life, but can’t seem to catch a break in others? Like you’re excelling in your career and you’re going to the gym 5 times a week but can’t hold down a relationship for the life of you? Or you have the most incredible group of friends and feel enriched in your community and your purpose but money seems to get the ick every time it sees you and you end up living pay slip to pay slip, no matter how much money you earn?
Don’t worry girlie, you’re not broken. There’s a reason for it. It’s because your life is being run by your default settings.
We all have them. Whether it’s fitness, or work, or relationships, we all have areas of our lives that we find super natural. I want you to ask yourself a question now – if you have a whole day with no plans, what do you end up doing 90% of the time? Do you go to the gym? Do you immediately schedule a lunch with your friends? Jump on the laptop and start working? Clean the house from top to toe? Do you watch an entire season of your latest show? (Mine’s currently Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief which I’m not particularly proud of…) This could be a good indicator of what your default setting is.
Why Are Default Settings Important
Time is a void and it will pass regardless – there is never ‘free time’ because it will end up being filled with something in the end. If we don’t consciously choose then we WILL default to what we find easiest because that’s how our brains work.
My personal default settings are fitness and friends. If I had a weekend with no plans then you know that within an hour I’d have booked a gym class, scheduled a run with my friend followed by a brunch and a Yo-Chi (iykyk). When I moved to Australia, and had NO plan, no job, no house… I was at a pole dance studio within 48 hours of landing and within 1 month had a friendship circle. I remember my sister, who had lived in in Australia for a year already and has very different default settings to me, saying “how do you already have more friends here than I do!?”.
Now one thing to point out is that there is nothing inherently wrong with having default settings – sometimes it can actually be helpful! In no world am I like ‘oh no, I don’t have to force myself to go to the gym because it’s part of my being and I’m just naturally inclined to work out? NOOOOOO’ because that’s a lie. I LOVE that part of me.
However, the challenge with default settings lies in the areas of your life that you’re not so happy with. For me, the biggest one for most of my 20’s was relationships – by the age of 27 I’d been in 2 relationships in my entire life (that each lasted less than a year) and spent the rest of the time either aggressively blaming men, in situationships with people who were NEVER going to be a great partner OR ignoring those who were because I didn’t feel the ‘spark’ (i.e. it felt safe so my nervous system wasn’t triggered from the off). I always wondered why, for someone who (to toot my own horn), had her shit together in so many ways – WHY could I not figure out relationships!?
For some of you, this story might be like looking in a mirror. For some of you, your default setting might be your relationship, or work and hustle, or spending time with your family. Now you might be reading this and already know exactly what your default settings are and the areas of your life that you wish you were better at. If you don’t, don’t worry, I’ve got a tool to help you at the end.
How I Worked on my default setting
I am a huge advocate of using the Wheel of Life as a self reflection tool and at the end of every month I sit down and evaluate where I’m at in each section of my life and my goals for the next month. I remember when I first moved to Australia, I sat down and my relationships were at a ‘2’ – i.e – NOT good. I remember feeling lost and not even knowing where to start. When I started my hardcore self development journey, the aim of it was to become the type of person who could slip and fall into a relationship. What I didn’t realise at the time, which I have since reflected on and used intentionally in the other areas of my life, is that I was rewriting one of my default settings.
Yes, we absolutely have the power to do that. And no, it’s not easy. It takes time and intention, but you are capable of anything that you put your mind and body to.
Now when thinking about default settings, let me be clear on one thing. Creating a new default setting and changing your baseline in a certain area of your life takes energy. Intentional energy. You have to choose it, that one thing, and say THIS is the thing that’s most important to me. THIS is the part of my life right now that is going to upgrade my life as a whole. During that time, I had to constantly prioritise and resist against my default setting saying ‘you could just train for a half marathon instead of doing this therapy course’ or ‘you’re dedicating a night a week to a ‘solo date night’, you could be seeing your friends?’. It was hard, but by consciously channeling energy from my default settings into the area of my life I had defined as most important, I consciously changed my life. I wasn’t creating MORE energy. That is a myth of self development – that to level up our lives we need to do MORE. We all have limited hours in a day and energy to give. We’re not adding more, we’re reprioritising and balancing our lives to slowly create the default baselines that we want. It’s a conscious choice, and it feels good. At the end of 2024, for the first time, I felt like I had curated my life instead of letting my life live me.
next steps
And you have the power to start doing that, starting TODAY! If you are looking to change your life with intention then you are in the right place! This page is all about tips, my lived experience (including current challenges I’m facing) and motivation to help you create your best lives.
I’m not here to preach – I’m no expert – just a girl who has dedicated HOURS and HOURS of her life to understanding how to change her own, and now I want to share all this information with you in real time. 3 years ago default settings were completely unknown to me. And now? It’s a philosophy I live by. My next conscious transformation is my career and my business (which you are supporting just by reading this blog – so thank you!).
If you are entirely happy with your life right now, I am so happy for you because that is the number one most important thing. You may say ‘yeah I only have 2 friends but I love them and I see them all the time, I don’t want any more friends’ or ‘yeah I don’t go to the gym but I walk everywhere and I am happy and healthy’. I LOVE that! This platform that I’m creating to help ambitious women everywhere is NOT here to dictate what is going to make you happy. It’s here to help people who, like I used to, are thinking ‘I know I have some great things in my life… but I’m not entirely happy. There’s something missing’. When you identify that there’s an area of your life, or areas, that you want to change, then understanding your default settings is an incredible tool to help you consciously curate the life you want.
If you want to find out more about your default settings (and be treated to a weekly newsletter with a preview of future blogs, dating stories, top life hacks, freebies and a weekly manifesting challenge we can all do together) then sign up to the Sunday Reset and receive a FREE default setting mini guide to help you identify your default settings AND setting goals to start building your best, conscious life.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, I hope to see you back here soon!
Lots of love,
Maddi xx